Make It Nuturing
from Grief Expressed: When Your Mate Dies

It was cold in the mall parking lot, and the wind made it seem even colder. I half stumbled up and down the rows of parked cars searching for mine. As I walked I talked to myself. "Stupid! You can't remember anything! What's the matter with you? All you had to do was fix a landmark. You'll never find it if you start crying!" Later, as I sat in the car, I continued to hear the negative words.

Negative Self-Talk

On a separate sheet of paper, I will keep a running list of self-criticisms and put-downs as I become aware of them.

Nurturing Conversations with Myself

There is much on your mind.... It's easy to forget.... Perhaps next time you'll look for a landmark.... It's okay.... Give yourself time.... Your friends still love you, regardless of what you do that might seem strange.... Try again later to balance your checkbook.... It's okay to cry, even in front of others.... You can't expect to handle everything alone; ask for help.... Other people run out of gas, too, and they don't have your distractions.... It really hurts when people no longer write or call as much as they did before.... Put the form away until you feel more like filling it out.... Your son will understand that you forgot his birthday this year.... You will begin getting out more when you feel like it.... Don't expect your health to be what it was before. Just take care of yourself.... Pace yourself and give yourself more time to get things done.... You seem stronger today.... It's okay to be angry. Find acceptable ways to let it out.... Set small goals. Feel good about reaching any.... Nobody's perfect. Allow yourself some failures and mistakes.... Contain your periods of depression and feeling sorry for yourself. When the time is up, bring yourself out and get busy.... You did the best you could; let the guilt go.... What you keep calling "excuses" are actually reasons why you are feeling and behaving the way you are. Accept and understand.... Being late a few times is not a catastrophe... Sit down and recall where you last had your keys. Retrace your steps and you will probably find them.... Trust yourself. You will know when it is time to reach out.... You have inner beauty that will show more and more.... It is all right for you to say that you won't accept another volunteer job. You know what you can handle.... You are discouraged that you are not through your grieving. Be patient. Everyone grieves in his or her own way and own time.... It's okay that your needs come first for now.... Expect some disorientation from time to time. You will come out of it.... You made decisions before; you will make them again.... It's fine to treat yourself.... You are a survivor. Visualize yourself as a survivor. Trust yourself to do the things you need to do.

Summary Statement: The way I treat myelf is more important than what anyone else says about me or does to me. I am with myself twenty-four hours a day. I will become more kind, loving, forgiving, supportive, and firm toward myself.

Make It Nurturing

Some Negative Talk I've Directed Toward Myself:

Nurturing Things I Need To Say:

Summary Statement:


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